Dallas and back home

It seems like a life time since I flew to Dallas over 10 days ago. It was like I got a break from "my life." I was so busy and hardly had any down time to think about anything outside of work. It was a nice break from reality, I have to admit.

The Albany group called from the beach. This was the first time in several years we weren't with them. The night they called it hit me and I had a moment on the bathroom floor in my hotel room where I cried and just wished that my life weren't this way. I wished so much that God would just let me have it all back. I wanted even the worst of times back...which a lot of times were those beach trips...but I wanted to be with them at the Florabama, laughing and dancing with Richie. I, for a moment, hated my life and wished to just go to sleep and not wake up. I sometimes just want to lay down and go to sleep. I know I can't but I admit, it would be nice to just lay down and never have to deal with all of this anymore. But I know I am stronger than that so I do what I have to do to get past that moment.

The other sad part about my trip was the fact that the last 4 days were all related to the Crowne Plaza Tournament at Colonial. It is a PGA tournament that my brand is sponsoring now and it did not go unnoticed that Richie would have loved to have been there. I know that I could have gotten him a spot in the Pro-Am and he could have played golf with some of the best golfers in the world. I thought about him so much as the weekend went on. Being out there around a golf course, it was just all Richie and I kept thinking of how good he was and how much he loved the sport.

Then when I got home I went out to get Levi. God, I can't tell you how good it was to see him. He is my last connection to Richie in so many ways and never have I loved an animal so much. I could tell he was so excited to see me and when I went in the house to get his things he sat next to my car door and didn't move. As much fun as he had out there with mom and dad I know he was ready to go home...I think he really did miss me.

So now, here I am again, back in reality. This is the "down" point for me. It is when I come home and realize, "Ok, here we go again, what do I do now?" Being on the road has its good and bad parts. I get away from this life and I can "hide" a little from my widowness, but I also get so homesick and realize how much I need my family and friends. It is like I can't win.

Well...here I am again Richie, home without you and trying to make my life my own. I miss you.