Footprints

Footprints

9/9/08

Last Time in DC

I got to DC earlier today to work a tradeshow...and when I checked into my hotel I tried to remember the last time I was here. It was back in late May of 2006. I came here a month after Richie died. I remember eating dinner with Rhonda, the DOS for LAX in the resturant and it was there she told me how she had lost her fiance back when she was 21 years old.

We talked and talked about it and all the grief that hits you in waves. I was a basket case back then, waiting for the autopsy. I remember calling the Medical Examiner about a million times from the tradeshow wanting to know if there was any new information on the death certificate. I was desperate then for some money to pay bills and I was getting worried. Things were mounting up and I had to also send a copy to his credit cards and student loans because they were hounding me for a copy.

I was a mess the last time I was here.

I also remember that I asked Veronica to fly in and stay with me, she did. We ate dinner in the room and walked all over the city. We went to the WWII memorial that had just been finished. I was all over the place emotionally and when we ordered dinner I remember that back then I honestly didn't really want to eat.

It's weird to me that I was in that place. I mean, looking back its like watching a movie. I was so sad, so emotional, so confused, so angry, just grieving a lot and not really knowing what I was saying or doing. I was upsetting just about everyone in my family and had no idea how to "control" myself. I was grieving and in the worst way back then.

Now, fast forward to 2 years later. I'm here and I'm meeting a group tonight for dinner...I'm sad that I am here just because I really am tired of traveling but I know it's a part of my job so there isn't much I can do about it.

The weather here today has made me think of him a lot...its chilly, total September weather. I am remembering our wedding...maybe that is because Kaki and Rob got engaged yesterday and it made me remember us being engaged and the excitement of it all. I am kind of emotional, kind of sad, wishing that life hadn't thrown me so many curveballs.

God, I pray to you for you to continue to heal my heart. Continue to lead me to a better life. I pray that you help John and I as we move into this new phase of our relationship and as we continue to work towards a future together. I love him God and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

Richie, you are still missed...and I think of you often...I pray that you are happy in your home in heaven and continue to watch over me.