He is always there...one thought away from whatever is on my mind at the moment. I can be busy with work, tennis or just mindlessly wathing tv and there he is...right there taking over my thoughts.
It catches me off guard at times. I will then think of small things- his hands, his smile, the mole on his face, the green eyes with gold flecks that could see through me when they stared long enough.
Richie is always there. I had a hard few weeks but I am doing better now. I have a lot going on with work so it is keeping me occupied. The moments of him not being in my thoughts seem to be longer but even as I type that I know that he is always there and will pop up when I least expect it.
Richie was the center of my world and now that he is gone it is hard to believe that I will ever feel whole again. Is this feeling that someting is always missing going to stay with me forever? It is like I KNOW my car keys are here somewhere but after hours of searching I just can't find them! I don't necessarily search "this" world for him but I do search my heart for signs of him.
I look desperately for the feeling I had when I would hear him drive up after a weekend at the hunting club. I always met him at the door with a smile. What did that feel like? That giddy feeling that drove me to make sure I looked cute, even after being with him for 6 years. I would always have on something cute and at least some makeup. Did you know he loved me in yellow? He said that one time about 3 years ago and I always tried to buy something in yellow when I was out, even if it was just a tshirt...so now I have 6 yellow tshits...long sleeve, short sleeve, sleeveless...because Richie said he loved me in yellow.
I miss him...but I'm ok...I am feeling better after such a hard few weeks. The wave that hit me has subsided and I think I will just float here on my back, relax, enjoy the sun until the next one hits me.
Footprints
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