"Within me there is that which is greater than my circumstances"

This quote was sent out by one of my widow friends.

We may not realize just how strong we are inside until something happens that makes us pull strength from the deepest parts of our soul. We have to learn to trust God, completely and without question. As Charles Stanley said one time, "When you ask God for help, it's not a discussion...you ask, he helps."

We have to believe that we have the choice in life to control our actions and how we relate to events and people in it. Life is too short to waste on anger and situations that are not helping us grow into better people.

In the last year I have learned that I am a strong person. I don't think though its the way everyone thinks...you know, me living through finding Richie and then having to bury my husband of only 19 months. See, those things to me, yes were hard as hell, but to me, the strongest thing I did was live after that 6 month mark...Because that is when the real work started. That is when everyone started to go back to their own lives and I had to make a decision- I could either sit and die right along side Richie or I could make his death a defining point in my life. I could use it and learn from it, become someone better because of having had him and our experiences in my life.

I decided to get help- therapy, grief groups, reaching out to friends, reading books and just praying as much as I could. I never gave up and I never failed to "feel" my grief. Oh yeah, plenty of times I tried to ignore it and act as if I were completely fine to those around me. But I knew deep inside that ignoring it and trying to act "ok" was not helping. So, I did as my counselor said, I tried to always be in my grief. When it hits I stay with it. I let my mind process the thoughts, the emotions, the memories, all of it. And it hurts, it devestates at times, but when I start to come out of it I take a deep breath and begin to move forward once more.

See, to me, the inner strength I had was to survive Richie's death. To be a testament to others out there who lose someone they love. To show another widow that it's ok to live and that God wants us to walk THROUGH the valley of death.

Living after death is the hardest part and although I am still grieving, I am living and I am puttnig my life back together piece by piece.