In Memory Of...

When I was little I remembered that my youth group at Shiloh would sell the Lily's that were going to be on display at Easter. We would ask people to make them "In Honor of...and/or In Memory of..." How young and innocent we all were back then...one of us would end up putting one in memory of her little girl and one of us would make one in memory of her husband.

Today at Shiloh, although I wasn't there, there were 2 lily's on the alter for Richie. One from my parents and one from me, his wife. My name was also posted in the bulltein, not for some simple accomplishment like an upcoming marriage or for graduating from high school or college, but it was in there as a prayer request. Do you know how hard it is to know that you have so many people worried and praying for you right now? It is like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. You want to make sure you are ok so that they believe their prayers were answered but it is so hard to be ok right now.

I met mom, dad and Laure/Trey and Emie for lunch. It was good to have somewhere to go today that made me get out of bed. But I cried on the way home thinking that last year this weekend held so many wonderful memories.

Good Friday- Richie played Peachtree with Brad and Jim...when he got home we grilled ribs and Todd Chapman came over. Then Stacy and Greg stopped by on their way home from their anniversary dinner with Lori and Derek. We had a huge fire in the backyard and Greg and Richie talked about ideas on how we could landscape our yard. But I have a memory of that night that goes beyond all our friends seeing Richie one last time.

After everyone left, Richie and I sat up there by the fire and talked a little. We didn't talk about much of anything that night...just talked and stared into the fire. When I got ready to go in Richie came in with me which was odd, he always used to stay up longer to finish his dip and to "hang with my dog." But this time we went in together...I took off my makeup and we talked about our plans to go to Carrollton the next day after my tennis match. Richie was so content...when I look back now he was just content and in 6 years I knew hime, I had never known him to be content to just be at home. But maybe that is what is important for me to remember, he was content at our home and with me.

Easter will always be a special day for me with my memories of Richie. But my life is a constant, "In Memory Of..." Whether its the scholarship, continuing on with his friendships, or just knowing that I am the person he chose to spend the rest of his life with so with that comes the responsibility of making my entire life, "In Memory Of Richie."

There are a lot of responsibilities when your life is a constant in memory of someone you love, but there is also that drive to never ever tarnish the memory of that person. All the crazy things are now laughed at and have become "urban legends" to tell the little ones about when they are old enough. The funny one liners are forever etched in our conversations...and the echo of his laughter will always be in our's as we laugh over one tall tale or another when we talk about Richie and what he meant to all of us.

This Easter, not only is that lily "In Memory Of" my husband, but my life will be a constant "In Memory Of" the love I had for Richie.