End of the Dash

In just a few days it will be the end of Richie's dash...April 12, 1972-April 18, 2006. The new year will begin whether I like it or not and his dash will have been completed.

Its the end of several dashes in my life...
Our marriage September: 25, 2004- April 18, 2006
The time I knew you: January 28, 2000- April 18, 2006
The time we lived together in our own home: October 17, 2004-April 18, 2006

And its the beginning of new dashes for me...
Being single again: April 18, 2006-?
Owning my own home alone: October 16, 2006-?

Whether I like it or not my life's dashes are changing and I have no way to stop it. Part of me wishes midnight on December 31, 2006 will never come but part of me is hoping that 2007 will bring me peace and hope.

I have always been someone who is in control and I can't control this. I can't figure out how to fix this life of mine that seems so out of control. I want to "know" my future and to "see" where I will be in 5 years as I did 8 months ago. But now I can't, its all blank. There are no answers for my future and I just have to keep heading down this path and making sure I see and touch everything I can because these new dashes have such a deeper meaning to me now that I have experienced death. I have felt it, seen it and I have watched it take the soul of someone I love.

God, I know at this time in my life we are not walking together, you are carrying me because I don't feel my feet touching the ground.