July 4th, "Simple Livin,"and Memories

Richie and I first went to Tennessee for the annual Day family reunion on July 4th 2001. We went up to stay with Grandma Day and the family to attend. It is a tradition with his family to go up there. Richie insisted that we went every year and so we did. Tomorrow they are all going to gather and have some good home cooked food, sing some songs and share memories of people that came before...Richie will now be one of those that they will "remember" in their thoughts as Judy, Fred, Grandma, and Chase sit down with them all.

Richie used to sum up life on Day Hollow Road as "Simple Livin." After he would say it he would smile that Day smile and laugh. He loved it up there, probably more than anything he ever had in his life. He would get up before the sun did and would be out hunting. Then he would come in, eat some breakfast and go right out the door to help Grandma with anything that needed to be done. That usually meant Richie got to spend hours on the bushhog, which kept him so content.

He never knew this but there were times I would go look out the window or walk Levi to the stream just so I could see him...I guess in many ways I was always "watching" Richie, trying to figure him out. But there in Tennessee I would watch this man, my best friend, my boyfriend then my husband. I would see his focus on the farm and making sure the chores were done. I would watch him do things and every single time I watched him my heart would melt and I swear, I fell in love with him every time. He was hard to love sometimes but my heart fell for him so many times I can't count. He was such a man to me...I just loved him so much.

Tonight I am sitting here listening to the crickets and having a glass of wine. My July 4th just doesn't have much celebration in it like it used to. Will I ever go back to really celebrating a holiday, a birthday or a special occasion like I used to? I'm not sure? I hope I will some day?

"Simple Living" is all Richie wanted out of life...but then again his life was never simple. But he loved everything he had in his life and when he did something, he did it right or he tried his damndest to get it right.

One day I know that the hurt is going to fade and I realize I am more sensitive lately to everything because I am selling the house.

Last night the "handyman" that I hired came to do some work and I have to tell you...there was a moment I stopped breathing when I saw his truck in the drive. It was a 1999 F-150. Black with a tool box. I walked outside to grab something for him and I looked up and saw it. I didn't notice it earlier because he came in the front door, but when I saw it my heart dropped and I had to sit on the steps in the garage for a little bit. I, just for a moment, pretended it was Richie's and that I was getting the tool for him and that when I walked back inside it was him fixing the garbage disposal. But I knew it wasn't...I just for a moment wished to God it was.

After the house was quiet last night I snuck in the kitchen and sat there and cried. I 'm not sure why but I just feel as if I am starting my "goodbye" process with the house and with letting it go. I feel as if I am leaving Richie and I can't lie, it hurts. But I have to move, I can't live in this house anymore. Everywhere I turn he is there or a memory of us is there. We were only here a short time but there are so many memories here and it tears me up each time I come home to the emptiness of our old life.

Happy July 4th Richie Day...I will never forget our last one...we had gone to Pennsylavania to spend it with my family and when we got home you drove me all over the area so I could see fireworks...and I did, on top of Highland Point- the neighborhood across the street. You worked magic that night and for that memory I will forever be grateful God gave it to me. I love you Fred Day.