Death of a friend...

When my mom called me this morning to tell me that Laura had committed suicide I have to admit, I wasn't shocked. Laura was someone that for many years hurt so deep inside that it was hard to even understand the pain she was in.

I will never forget running into her when I was junior in high school, at a store in our home town. I was telling her how I was looking for a summer job, not sure exactly what I was going to do but I was looking. She told me about this drug awareness camp for underpriviledged kids that the city recreation department put on each year. So, at her urging, I signed up to help. So for the next 4 years for two weeks she and I would drive all around Carrollton visiting city recreational facilities doing activities with the kids and feeding them snacks each afternoon. At the end of the two weeks we always took them to Tanner State Park for a fun afternoon on the beach there. One year she offered to drive me home becuase my car wasn't running right. I was 17 years old at the time and I thought I was so cool riding around with her. We grabbed some food and drove to a park in town to sit, eat and rest after our crazy day at camp.

She and I talked for a few hours and in fact, I was late getting home and got into trouble with mom and dad. Anyway, Laura told me the story about her mother's death. She told me how she found her in the bathtub and that the memory was always coming back to haunt her. She told me how that was why her hair fell out at times- anxiety. She was on medication but she hated taking it...it made her sick and she didn't always know if it was working on her depression. I will never ever for the rest of my life forget sitting her her at that picnic table and seeing her cry and her bright blue eyes looking gray from sadness.

After we stopped working the camp I would run into her from time to time and we would always hug, share a memory and go about our lives but we always had that afternoon between us.

Last night Laura was too tired to fight anymore...the depression and the trajedy in her life finally was too much for her and she couldn't hold on anymore. My heart is breaking as I think of her, as Laura always said, "baby" brother Andy and her older brother Alan. Her husband has to be devastated and I wish that I could take their pain away. I know the coming days, months and weeks will be so hard for her father and family and I hope that God surrounds them with his love as they try to make sense of this sad sad day.