Looking At The Stars

Tonight Marlie and I took the radio and we went outside to see if we could see the International Space Station. I know Marlie thought I was kooky for wanting to go look but this is something that my dad always did with us as kids so I guess it's something normal for me now? Looking at meteor showers, the stars in general and eclipses are a constant memory in my childhood.

As we laid there looking up at the stars we didn't really talk much. I asked her if she thought Richie was looking down at us and smiling because we were looking directly up at him. She said she thought he was. Then I asked her what is the one thing she is thankful for at that moment and she said her family. I said that I was thankful I was still here and had made it through the past year and now my smiles are coming back and they are real and sincere.

I have changed so much inside and it is so hard to understand the changes until I do something that I realized I would have done differently a year ago. I like this Stacie. At first she scared me but now I am beginning to like her. I'm comfortable with her and I like the values and morals she has in her. I am glad that this is what I became through all of this rather than a bitter and sad person that saw no value in a future.

I'm thankful that tonight I was able to lay there staring at the stars and think of Richie Day and smile. I wish that he were able to see the same view but I know that his is so much more amazing and that thought gives me peace.

I'm thankful for that too, peace in my heart. I don't feel as if I am "searching" like I was for this past year. I feel as if my soul is finally finding some stability and it is becoming more content and not as restless.

I am still not sure of my future but I know that at least I have one now. Whatever future God is giving me will be just right.