Love

That word has so many meanings. It means something different to everyone and it also can mean something different depending on what you are referring to.

This past weekend John and I took our first trip together. Even though we've only been seeing each other for two months I feel as if I have met my best friend after years apart. It is like I have always known him? From the moment we got in the car to drive to Gulf Shores until the moment we pulled into my garage we never stopped talking. We talked about everything.

He knew some of the details of the night Richie died but he had never heard them from me...so this was accidentally the opportunity that came up for me to talk to him. I just let it all out. I told him how it felt to find him, what I had been doing, the fact that my friendship with Stacy isn't the same and I blame that night, how I spent many many nights crying and drinking at Rad and Helen's and lastly how this all hurt my family and friends watching me try to not drown in all the grief.

I told him how I used to be such a control freak and how now things just aren't that important to me to control. He listened...and listened and listened. He did share things in his life but mainly he let me talk. I needed to talk to him. I needed to tell him these things. I felt almost desperate as I began to talk becuase there was so much I wanted to share with him. I guess a part of me just felt that he has to know it all or else how can he really love me?

But he does...John loves me. He takes me for who I am and he takes my past and respects it. I am amazed by his feelings for me. I am amazed that someone out there can love me this much or take all my faults and still love me.

When he looks at me I feel how much he cares about me. There are days when he really finishes my sentences or I will be thinking something and he will say it out loud. I have never felt a connection with someone like I do with him.

I love him...without a doubt, without a single question and I hope that he will be my future. I know only time will tell but if my heart is any indication I will always love him.