Lost Luggage or Lost me?

You know, lost luggage is not a fun thing to have to deal with. What's worse is that it was lost in a 45 minute flight from Charleston to Atlanta. I sat in the airport for 2 hours as they tried to find it and it gave me some time to think.

At first I sat at baggage claim #5...for 45 minutes I waited for it to come out on the conveyor belt. I was alone as I sat there, there were no other flights listed for that baggaed conveyor so it was just me. It reminded me of just how I feel...I don't really have a lot of people around me my age that have lost their husbands. It's a lonely feeling. I do have my widows online but sometimes it would be nice to have someone nearby that I could talk to...talk about how I want a child so bad, how I wish I had someone who knows me as Richie did- inside out- and still loved me. Someone I could share how hard it is to be a widow at 32. You know that one day you have to love again but you are too afraid to let your heart open up to that possibility. That that life is so far away. Not only do I have to start over but how do I trust someone to be that close to them? How do I trust they won't one day not show up on the conveyor belt like my luggage?

Delta then told me that it was showing in their system that it was on baggage claim #10. That is where the big items come out and sometimes smaller pieces of luggage are with them. This "hope that my luggage was there" was something I can relate to...it's those days that I feel happy for long moments. Those rays of hope where I forget I am a widow. I forget that my life is on a road with no end in sight. I hang on to those moments because I know in a short bit I will be back to reality...my luggage is still not there, the system had it wrong...it is still lost like me.

I had to go home without my bag...just like the night Richie died. I went home to "our" home without my best friend. My life was going to be different, just like it was without my bag. I had all my makeup, some jewerly, my favorite pair of jeans, things I didn't want to live without in there, but I knew until they found my bag I had to. If only it were as easy as losing your luggage. If only you knew more than likely Delta was going to show up at your door with it.

I am like a piece of lost luggage...not sure where I am supposed to go but hoping that someone is going to find me and take me safely home.

Richie...as February comes to a close and the weather is starting to warm I am so sad thinking of you. Today I saw some daffodils in Rad and Helen's neighborhood...they reminded me of how much you loved it when it began to get warm...Coastal Cup, golf saturdays, and us walking at night with Levi...those were some of your favorite things. I miss you baby.