When I lived at Wood Creek it seems like the nights by myself weren't so good for me now that I look back. I used to think I loved those nights but not until tonight did I realize that I didn't. They were sad more than anything. I would have some wine, surf the internet, and just enjoy being alone. But now that I am here in my new home I realize how much I love being here and that I love this house and how it makes me feel.
I knew the moment I walked in it I loved it and I know I will never regret buying it. It may be a stretch for a bit and I may need to change my spending habits for a while but I know that in the long run this is the best thing I've done in a long time.
So...here I sit tonight. I'm watching tv, Laurie and Trey came by, we all had a cocktail and I proudly showed off my new yard to them. Its been a great night. John came by before he went out on his bachelor party and even though it doesn't seem all that important that he stopped in, the gesture is huge for me.
My life is good. It really is. I won't lie, I do have down moments and as a normal person would, I worry and stress and all of that, but honestly, my life is good again.
I go to Charleston in a few weeks, Phyllis and I will have our steaks and talk about our husbands and have that "widow moment" that we both need...the shared knowledge of just how hellish grief can be, but then we will turn our conversations to John and John. Our new loves...our new future, our lives and the happiness in them now. I love our get togethers...they remind me of how far I've come and wow, I've made it and not only am I ok, but I am in love again.
God, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for alllowing me to love again, to smile again, to live again. Life is amazing...I am so lucky to have lived this life, even with all the hardships, because you gave this life to me and for that I am truly thankful. And God, thank you for John...its hard to put that in words, but thank you for the amazing person you have given me and I just ask that you stay with us and help us as we continue to grow with each other.
Footprints
1 comment:
Hi Stacie,
I just googled my date of birth - 24 June 1974 and your blog came up. I couldn't believe it when I read that your husband died as my husband, Bill, also died unexpectedly on 19 October 2005, leaving me to look after our 2 children who were just 2 and 3 1/2 at the time. They are now nearly 5 and 6. Anyway, I haven't read all your blogs but what I have read seemed to ring alot of bells with me and we seem extremely similar. My name is Helen Preest. If you google my name, you will see I work for a London Law firm and can email me there if you are interested. I have never done this before, but it just seems really weird how so many incredibly important things in our lives have both happened. Hope to hear from you soon. Helen.x
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