New Blog?

It kind of feels that way after the last week. I'm not coming here so much to write about Richie, widowhood or any of the grief I have experienced in the last 2 years. This is a different blog for me now...its so much more about my life today and tomorrow.

I'm putting my fears and insecurities aside and I'm finally burying my demons. I'm pretty glad that this day has finally come. I was told two years ago that one morning I would wake up and Richie and his death would not be the first thing on my mind and now it isn't.

When I wake up, John is always the first thing I think of and the first person I look for whether he is there or not. If I wake up in the middle of the night, he's who I wish I was with if I'm alone and he's the last thing I think of when I fall back asleep.

I know that my experience will always be with me, its a part of who I am and who John fell in love with. I'm just really grateful that God gave me this second chance at this. I want to do it right this time.

I'm really excited to know that when I got on here today, I wasn't scared to start making this about me and my life now. I wasn't even sad that my writings weren't going to be about Richie and grief so much anymore. I guess I finally feel that after last night, I need and want to let it go.

It's time to realize that yes, I was widowed but it does not define me anymore. I'm John's girlfriend and you know, there is nothing I'd rather be defined by.