Two Years Tomorrow

I think its normal to think that April 18th will always be the hardest day for me...but to be honest, this year April 22nd seems to be the one I am haunted by. That is the day we buried you. I remember sitting there next to dad and Sam was being held by Michelle in the back under the tent. Sam was crying because everyone was crying and he was confused. He wanted out of her arms and he came and sat in my lap. Right in front of everyone, he came to sit with me and hold me as I cried.

I was holding your watch...your hat...and I kept looking past the casket to the cemetary behind you. It was hot, the preacher was not saying things that you would have liked...he offended some friends and I know you would have been upset by that. It was awful. I was burying you somewhere I didn't want you to be. In a hot cemetary with no trees for you to lay under. I wanted to bury you in Tennesse but I knew that that would not have gone over very well. I knew that in the end you would want your mom, dad and Kim to be able to visit you. So that is why I chose that. I did it for you because I know you would have wanted me to let you go.

Richie, I just wish it had all been easier for you and me and all of this. I wish that you could meet John...how weird is that? But I do, I wish you could see how nice he is to me and how much I have fallen in love with him. When I'm with him, there is no where else I would rather be. I just wish you could have met him. Although, I laugh a bit as I type that because you would have corrupted him and had him out partying with you!! So maybe it wouldn't have been such a good idea...

I bought a house today...the one I fell in love with from day 1. I move into it Wednesday and I am pretty excited about it. I walked in today and it was kind of liberating. Can't explain it...just felt good. Its mine and I'm proud that I made it.

Two years Richie...two years...a lifetime but not quite.