I remember...

My emotions are all over the place. It's April again. It's the month of his birthday and the anniversary of his death. I'm beginning to get the calls and emails. I am remembering that I wasn't the only one who lost Richie and that the pain is still there for others. Sometimes its hard to remember that because I feel the pain all belongs to me. Not in a selfish way, but that I carry the burden to be "sad" on the appropriate days and I have to be the one to continually carry on his memory so no one forgets. But when I get the calls and emails I feel everyone's pain and heartbreak again.

I remember the phone calls to certain people telling them. I remember Jarrett and Michelle walking up the driveway...I remember my parents finding me hiding behind a curtain at the hospital because in my state of shock I wanted to not be found...because if I wasn't found what was happening to me that night wasn't real...I remember Rad and what he sounded like when he saw me in the hospital...I just remember all the pain in everyone's faces as we all tried to cope with what had happened. Our friend had died and it was too sudden to understand and grasp what was going to happen from that moment on.

I'm sad...he would have been 36 years old on Saturday but he will forever be 34 and smiling. He will forever be young to all of us.

Richie, you are in my thoughts these days. I know that you are happy up there and you are smiling down on me. I know that I would not be where I am today if I didn't have you watching over me. I remember you Richie and I promise to never forget you.