September 11, 2001- Remembering and Sharing

As you can imagine my widow board is alive with activity today. So many are sending out prayers to the widows of 9/11 but they are also sending out thank you's to the widows who began our website that same fateful day. How strange is it that one of the largest grief websites on the internet today was launched that exact same morning, on that exact same day from a city in the same general area?

As I read some of the posts and I see how each widow/er is sharing their story of that day I realized that these widow/ers had an entire world grieving with them that day. They were no alone in their grief. How blessed they were, even though they probably didn't realize it for many years, to have so many there to comfort them.

Of course this makes me think of the days following Richie's death. The days that were the most blinded by pain but the one thing I am constantly reminded of were the people who kept coming in my door. The friends who came and stayed for days on end. Only leaving to make trips to the grocery store or to do something related to helping me. How did I manage to get along those first few weeks? I can tell you without a hesitation in my voice...my family and friends. They were steadfast and solid, never wavering and always there. They are the only reason I am here today and I am as strong as I am. They were the ones who picked up the pieces and helped me put it all back together when all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep and never wake back up. They didn't let me and for that I will forever be greatful.

That morning of September 11th I was with two really good friends from Georgia Pacific and we were on our way out the door to a funeral for my boss' dad. We saw the story unfold on the tv but had to leave. Once we got on the road we listened to the radio until we got to the service. God spared us a lot of the actual real time news that day by having us attend Diane's dad's funeral. Irony? He was a highly decorated military official. We saw the flag being folded for Diane and the bagpipes were played. It was a surreal experience to be there at that moment when the world was watching what was happening.

That afternoon I went straight to Richie's. He was building a new door on his fence for Levi. We sat in silence a lot and then I would go in and watch some news and come back out with a report for him. We talked about how things were going to be different and we talked about how it was inevitable we were going to war. Richie didn't say a whole lot, as he wasn't one to share what he really was feeling all that much, but as the day went on we both knew that our lives were forever changed by what we had seen. That night he called Aimee...I will never forget. At the time I was mad, but now, looking back, he was reaching out to her because on that day, didn't we all reach out to someone that we hadn't talked to in a long time?

Today brings back so many memories for me of Richie and the pain of losing him. But it also gives me hope to see where the 9/11 widows on my board are today...some have families, some have gone on to start new careers and some have created amazing memorials for their loved ones. I have hope that in 6 years I will be healed a little bit more and the pain of losing Richie will continue to develop into a bittersweet memory.

God, thank you for giving me this peace in my heart each day.