Another New Chapter

I'm living alone again...

As I made the decision to do this I never really looked back. I knew that it was time for me to live alone again and the day it hit me I knew it was what I really wanted. John and I have gotten very serious and as talks have continued to focus on our future together, I realized that I needed to be alone in that house for a while. You know, to truly do this on my own with no one helping. To prove to myself that I did have time that was for just me and that I made that home my home.

I'm excited...I think it's a new time for me. A "pause" in a way. A time in my life that I have for only me until the next step happens. The house is still for sale. I have gotten a few bites but I actually don't want it to sell now until after the first of the year. I'd love to spend the holidays there. I want another big tree, another few nights with a fire and the kids (Levi and KC). I need these nights...to continue my goodbyes to not only Richie but to that life I used to have.

I'm falling more and more in love with John each day. I didn't think I had room in my heart to love someone like this again? I mean, it is like my heart grew? The love I feel for John is so solid. There is nothing we don't talk about. I share my most intimate thoughts with him and I have never been able to do that with another living soul. There have been times when I just look at him in awe- how does he put up with me? My talking for God's sake?! But he actually told me after 6 hours of hiking in North Georgia this weekend that and I got permission to quote this..."I love hearing you talk Stacie." Of course Rad laughed and was like, "Yeah right...he's only known you 4 months!" But I actually think he does love to hear me talk!

As we walked and the quiet of nature was around us I realized that there was no other human being on this earth that I trusted more. How can that be? I've only known him 4 months. I laid in bed that night and silently told God that he had answered my prayers.

I remember sitting in the backyard a few days after Richie died. I felt like I was coming out of my skin and was not sure what to do, where to go or well, I didn't know much of anything. But I prayed and begged God to please help me. I know in so many ways he has but in no bigger way does it show in the man he sent me.

John walked in the Heart Walk with me and my family. That to me is a true test of character...he stands by me and my passions and Richie and what happened to me will always be a passion.

So, next week I begin a new chapter...I am meeting a mother and a grandmother to an amazing man. I can't wait to get to know them and to tell them just what he has done for me. I want his mother to know what an incredible loving son she has raised. A man who will hug me and hold my hand when everyone and no one is looking. A man who is not afraid to tell me he loves me 10 times a day...a man who I know just by looking into his eyes, loves me more than anything on this earth.

Thanksgiving will be a moment...a sad one and a happy one as I step fully into the next chapter of my life.